Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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