There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize