Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
