i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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