At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
