we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
