Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
