drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
