You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
