I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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