someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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