he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
