you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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