Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
