I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
