Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
