Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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