He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
