If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
