I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
