she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
