The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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