your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
