This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
