You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
