i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
