Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You ruined the universe
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
