I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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