I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
