I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
