3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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