1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
