walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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