a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
