ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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