You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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