im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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