would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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