Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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