he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
