I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
