And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I love you.
Bad choice
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
