ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
