so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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