CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
