i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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