got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
