the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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