you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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