Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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