On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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