fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
