remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
