her vagine was all disorganized.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
