I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
