Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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