Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize