3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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