I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
