Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
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