We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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