Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize