Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
