You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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