i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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