I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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