the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You can't special order awesome
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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